Unable to believe what people tell me?

Well once someone is a virgin at 40 you bet your life they will stay that way. I see it happen to a lot of guys but that isn't your issue. You know there is a great book out there called Goodbye to Shy which I think your problem is. Also too much focusing on how you are doing and not enough focusing on how the other person is doing. To get people to trust you you have to trust them first. If you kill yourself you'll just have to start your whole life over again so I wouldn't go that way. Remember we are all on earth with lessons to work through so you might as well start working through yours.